Sunday Edition: Sunday, Feb. 21, 2010

IN THE NEWS TODAY

1. Lightbulb vigils are expected to spring up across the country today.

Robert Howes Sr., the inventor of the Easy-Bake Oven, has died at age 83.

As the man who first introduced many girls to chemistry and physics, and introduced me to baked goods, we owe much to Mr. Howe.

Rest in peace, Mr. Howes. I bet you’re making delicious treats in Heaven.

2. Toronto Maple Leafs forward Mikhail Grabovski, who should be at home nursing a broken wrist, decided to celebrate Belarus’s first Olympic hockey victory since 2002 by having a good old-fashioned punch-up.

Grabovski was arrested and released by Vancouver police early yesterday morning.

Romance Edition: Sunday, Feb. 14th, 2010

IN THE NEWS TODAY

1. Just one day into the Olympic games, and already people have found something to break things over.

We’re not sure what that ‘thing’ is, but over 200 masked protesters descended on the city of Vancouver yesterday, smashing windows and kicking over newspaper boxes.

Police intercepted the parade of destruction that police said was led by about 100 anarchists, before it got to the Bayshore Hotel, where the International Olympics Committee is staying

Seven rabble-rousers were arrested during the melee.

Maybe this is how Vancouverites celebrate winning a medal? Or maybe they were angry about winning a medal? They never made it clear.

2. A 46-year-old man was arrested this morning in Williamsville, North Carolina, after taking a little nap in the local WalMart.

Sunday Edition: Sunday, Feb. 7, 2010

IN THE NEWS TODAY

1. Sarah Palin incited an angry mob to treason yesterday.

At the (not the first) first national Tea Party Convention she opened her speech with a rousing call to arms: “America is ready for another revolution and you are part of this.”

She also wished Ronald Reagan a happy birthday and made some “jokes” about sweet tea.

And that’s all we could report on, because we were too angry to watch the rest.

This cheered us up.

2. The Liberals are digging deep in the Conservative’s closet to grab whatever skeletons they can.

In press releases sent out last week, Conservative Senator Bob Runciman was called out his anti-gay marriage stance that he held 15 to 25 years ago.

Daily News: Sunday, Jan. 31, 2010

IN THE NEWS TODAY

1. Toronto citizens hate the TTC again.

After feeling bad about vilifying George Robitaille, the sleeping subway ticket beauty, Toronto’s finest have found another thing to be indignant about.

A day after popular fedora-wearing Sun columnist Joe Warmington lambasted his colleagues for printing the photo of Robitaille without due diligence to the backstory, the front page of the Saturday Sun featured a story about a TTC streetcar driver who took an unscheduled break to grab some cash at an ATM.

The photographer didn’t want his name released, but the photos were found on his Facebook profile under the heading “The TTC is a joke.”

The streetcar was stopped at Queen and Spadina midday for about seven minutes.

2. Celine Dion decided to vocalize her continued displeasure about Michael Jackson’s death.

Sunday Edition: Jan. 24, 2010

1. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

George Robitaille, the TTC worker made famous by his accidental catnap on the job, was apparently something of a hero to the department in 1994.

According to the Toronto Sun, way way back in ’94 Robitaille was a Wheel-Trans driver, and saved a man who had fallen inside his house and was slowly hemorrhaging in his lungs.

In addition to this seriously Awesome story, all of Robitaille’s fellow works say he’s a really nice guy.

Man, talk about feeling guilty for laughing. Why couldn’t he just be a douche?

2. New theories are out trying to explain the mysterious disappearance of bees in North America over the last couple of years.

If anyone saw that The Nature of Things episode about it, you’d bee just as scared as I am — according to the Toronto Star, bees, thanks to pollination, are responsible for one in every three bites of food that we eat here in Canada.

Daily News: Jan. 17, 2010

IN THE NEWS TODAY

1. Pulled from the generic news folder, an RCMP officer in Alberta has pulled an elderly woman from a burning building.

When Const. Leaverd Sandau, 29, arrived first to the burning house, he was told by a neighbour there may be someone inside.

“Well, there’s the moment where you reflect on your own safety but then your job takes priority and, of course, you’re there to serve and protect and I always want to lend assistance where possible,” Sandau said.

The woman, who was in her 80s, was taken to hospital with serious burns.

Witnesses say that, in true hero fashion, before he entered the building, he took his shirt off and flexed, while making sure the sun hit his pearly-whites just right.

2. The U.S. has begun stage 53 in Afghanistan’s Operation: Things Aren’t Going Well, launching their own propaganda radio meant to turn Afghan citizens against Islamic extremism.

Sunday Edition: Sunday, Jan. 10, 2010

Image: Brendan Smialowski for Getty Images

1. Sarah Palin, always the classy politician, has become the figurehead for the hard-right Tea Party movement, who are gearing up for their first meeting/book-burning/public sacrifice in Tennessee this February.

The convention is set to take place shortly after Obama’s first State of the Union speech, and New York Times columnist David Brooks says that the far from centre conservatives are targeting their vitriol towards the “educated class,” which immediately says to me they haven’t really thought this through.

Daily News: Sunday, Jan. 3, 2010

1. The Toronto Humane Society opened its doors for dog and cat adoptions again, with about 100 cats and 20 dogs looking for a home.

The Ontario Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals‘s (OSPCA) investigation into animal cruelty charges, launched after a raid on November 26th, is still ongoing.

The Humane Society was forced to shut the doors to adoption because the OSPCA said they were being cruel to animals, so for over a month whatever animals were in the building or seized haven’t been able to be adopted.

Perhaps “Humane” and “Prevention of” should be dropped from from the Toronto Humane Society and OSPCA names, respectively.

Breaking News: Dec. 13, 2009

73-YEAR OLD PUNCHED IN FACE BY 42-YEAR OLD

But it’s okay, guys, because he was a politician.

Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi, 73, was clocked in the face this afternoon by a 30-year-old man in Milan.

**New reports, and video, indicate that he wasn’t punched, but had a statue thrown at him, breaking his nose and two teeth.

Berlusconi was signing autographs at the time.  We suspect he spelled this particular fan’s name wrong.

Daily News: Sunday, Dec. 13, 2009

IN THE NEWS TODAY

1. Over 600 protesters were arrested in Copenhagen last night.

Police say they were pockets of ‘troublemakers‘ within the largely peaceful protests, and described many of those arrested as part of a group that was wearing black clothes and masks.

As for how the actual negotiations are going, Toronto Mayor David Miller has a few choice words.