Daily News: Thursday, June 17, 2010

IN THE NEWS TODAY

1. BP CEO Tony Hayward, awaking from a 58-day coma, told a congressional committee he is “deeply sorry” for the massively destructive oil spill his company caused in the Gulf of Mexico.

I mean, that’s the only conceivable explanation for the lateness of this apology, right?

And, from the looking up synonyms for “touching” file: He also said he was “personally devastated” by the deaths of the 11 men aboard the Deepwater Horizon at the time of the explosion. He also mentioned that he “regrets” the “profound effect” those deaths had on the family members of those who perished.

Finally, he pledged that he “would not rest” until he “made it right“. Now that’s he’s just woken up from an epic two-month sleep, he’s got all the energy in the world.

2. Alberta Culture Minister Lindsay Blackett is backpedaling today after online backlash over his remarks about Canadian TV shows.

In yet another case of “why don’t people get that you can’t say in public what you say to a buddy at a bar,” Blackett said at a conference Monday “Why do I produce so much shit? Why do I fund so much crap?”

Daily News: Tuesday, June 15, 2010

IN THE NEWS TODAY:

1. CBC News online is reporting that a Manitoba review panel has released its reasons for allowing Vince Li to take daily walks.

Perhaps it becomes more relevant when we mention that the walks are around his unfenced psychiatric hospital.

Oh, also, he’s the fellow that brutally murdered fellow passenger Tim McLean on a Greyhound bus nearly two years ago.

The CBC’s article doesn’t really mention the reasons the review panel listed, but does tell the whole grizzly story again. We suspect they posted the story, with it’s ever-so-clickable-and-slightly-deceiving title, for the same reason we are.

Wait, I thought we were calling out shoddy story choices? Oh irony. You’re my only friend.

2. A 17-year-old boy from Quebec has been charged after posting hateful racial comments on his Facebook page.

He has been charged twice, with uttering threats, and with inciting hatred on the internet.

Quarterly News: June 14, 2010

Nothing news-worthy happened in the last 74 days. What’s important is what’s…

IN THE NEWS TODAY

1. U.S. President Barack Obama assured the world today that the ecosystem of the Gulf of Mexico will be “painful” for a while, but it will “bounce back.”

“I am confident that we’re going to be able to leave the Gulf Coast in better shape than it was before,” he said.

Of course by “we,” he means BP.

Well thanks for the pick-me-up Barry, but I think we kinda knew that.

2. Afghanistan! You’re rich!

A $1 trillion deposit of all the minerals modern life requires, like iron, cobalt, gold and lithium was discovered by Pentagon officials and American geologists.

The deposits could make Afghanistan a major world player in the raw minerals trade.

An internal memo from the Pentagon says, optimistically, that Afghanistan could become the “Saudi Arabia of lithium.”

“Daily” News: March 30, 2010

IN THE NEWS TODAY

1. A former contestant on The Dating Game was sentenced to death today in a California courthouse.

The 66-year old man was convicted of kidnapping and murdering a 12-year-old girl and raping and murdering four Californian women in the 1970s.

In 1978, Rodney Alcala was a contestant — the winning one! — on The Dating Game. At the time he had been convicted of the rape of an eight-year-old girl, for which he served 34 months in prison.

No word yet on where he took the lucky lady contestant on their date.

2. TERRIFIC NEWS.

Eating as little as an Easter-egg’s worth of chocolate may lower your chances of having a heart attack or stroke, according to a new study.

The study was done by a the German Institute of Human Nutrition, which might seem a little shady, especially after it came out that the study was funded by the Kinderegg people.

Just kidding.

Late Edition: Tuesday, March 23, 2010

IN THE NEWS TODAY

1. Two Air Canada flights leaving from Montreal Tuesday morning had to land because of an unusual odour filling the cabin.

One flight bound for Halifax was forced to turn around. The odour was attributed to the cleaner used on the engine the night before.

The other made an “emergency” landing in Toronto, where passengers exited through the emergency doors – even though Toronto was its final destination anyways.

Which just means they wanted to use the slide.

2. . After a couple thousand Canadians gathered to protest, “Conservative” shock jock/actress Anne Coulter canceled her speech at the University of Ottawa because of security concerns.

Coulter was already on the attack against the school, who sent her a letter advising her on what is considered acceptable in Canada – that “promoting hatred against any identifiable group would not only be considered inappropriate, but could in fact lead to criminal charges.”

Kind of like “she did” Monday night at the University of Western Ontario, when “she said” that all Muslims were terrorists and should be forced to ride flying carpets.

Daily News: Thursday, March 18, 2010

IN THE NEWS TODAY

1. Toronto Councillor Adrian Heaps’ furry fetish made the front page today, after it became public that he expensed $439.50 to the city to rent some rather horrid chipmunk, dalmation, and bear costumes in February of last year.

The costumes were rented for an annual public skating party, to “entice more kids to come out and learn how to skate,” said Heaps.

He also spent the money again this year to rent the costumes, as Heaps said the budget is to “communicate with their community and their constituents in a variety of ways.”

Heaps, who sits on the city’s budget committee, recommended a5 per cent cut to the councillors allowable expenses and spent $47,650.81 of the $53,052.08 allowed last year.

2. Ottawa is feeling indulgent as they prepare to host the G8 and G20 summits, hiring Vancouver designer Bruce Forster for $166,500.

They said they want a Canadian fine art theme, as well as floral arrangements.

The G8, in Huntsville, Ontario, and the G20, in Toronto, are both a day and a half long.

Daily News: Wednesday, March 17, 2010

IN THE NEWS TODAY

1. An arrest has been made in connection with Corey Haim’s death, the 80s child star who is rapidly becoming more famous dead than alive.

The arrest was made in what is turning out to be a massive drug ring in California, but the Attorney General is not releasing details of the arrest.

Pharmacy records indicate that the Toronto-born actor may have obtained thousands of prescription pills in the months leading up to his death. Nevertheless, Haim’s manager, Mark Heaslip, insists that Haim didn’t die of an overdose, but perhaps a “drug reaction,” reports the Toronto Star.

Seems like this is becoming the PR-line of choice these days.

Haim died after collapsing at the Los Angeles apartment he shares with his mother on March 10.

2. An Edmonton man demonstrated his talent for hitchhiking… the wrong way.

The 19-year-old man was chillin by the side of the road in Northern Ontario, when he decided to thumb down a ride with the wrong finger. Turns out it was a cop car, and they didn’t like being flipped off.

Daily News: Tuesday, March 16, 2010

IN THE NEWS TODAY

1. Prime Minister Stephen Harper decided to take a page out of B-Rock’s book and play it hip with the kids.

The PM had a live videochat on YouTube this evening, answering questions sent in by users.

In an internet lolsy moment, the most asked-question out of the 2,000 submitted was about the legalization of marijuana, according to the CBC. Harper fought the urge to respond in the manner of the medium, and instead said that drugs damage society.

“We all need to make sure our kids understand, not just that our kids … hopefully not just understand the damage drugs can do to them, but they understand as well the wider social disaster they are contributing to if they, through use of their money, fund organizations that produce and deliver illicit narcotics,” he said, while apparently being distracted by knowyourmeme.com.

His next comment, though muffled, sounded suspiciously like a “Yo Dawg” joke.

Daily News: Monday, March 15, 2010

IN THE NEWS TODAY

1. Ghandi is not impressed, but rather, quite confused.

Thailand’s Red Shirt protesters, calling for the reinstatement of former Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra and dissolution of parliament, and threatening blood if their demands aren’t met.

Organizers are asking for blood from every protester, with the goal of collecting 1,000 litres to be poured on Government House if their demand isn’t met by Tuesday evening.

The Red Cross is a little perturbed by this, as the blood could be used to save a lot of lives, not to mention how dangerous the collection method could be.

2. Georgians were in a panic Saturday night over a mock broadcast showing their country being invaded.

This sounds familiar.

The program, planned as a political satire, depicted Russia invading Georgia. Which loses a lot of it’s comparisons to an alien invasion when the same scenario happened two years ago.

Daily(ish) News: Thursday, March 11, 2010

IN THE NEWS TODAY

1. A hospital in New York seriously needs to consider retraining their staff.

The family of a 93-year-old woman, who had admitted herself because of trouble breathing, was told she was dead.

When the family went to see the body, they found she wasn’t dead, but rather, quite alive.

The family is considering suing, but maybe they should wait until they’re sure the hospital was wrong with their original diagnosis. You never know.

2. More hospital hijinx!

A nurses union in Holland is launching a nation-wide campaign to try to raise awareness that they are not prostitutes, despite what many patients seem to believe.

After a 24-year-old nurse refused a 42-year-old man who had been requesting sexual gratification, because other nurses had been doing so, the man tried to fire her.

The campaign is being called “I Draw the Line.”