Daily News: Dec. 31, 2009

1. A Barrie teen has gone missing, and police said they suspect he has gone to Texas to meet with his internet lover.

Andrew Kane, 16, was having an online affair for the past few months with 42-year old Lauri Price.

“It’s not an abduction at this point,” Acting Sgt. Jennifer Caddell told the Toronto Star. “Our concern is that there is a huge age difference between the 16-year-old and the female. We want to find out if (Kane) is okay.”

She must mean if his hands are okay, from high-fiving everyone he meets.

2. Results of a recent poll, undertaken for the sole purpose of wagging a finger at the Conservative government, shows Canadians don’t think their government works very hard.

Late Edition: Dec. 28th, 2009

THINGS WE MISSED WHILE CHRISTMAS WAS HAPPENING

Photo courtesy CBC News.

1. Charlie Sheen evidently doesn’t have handlers.

This is what would happen to many of us, if we had money. Good thing.

Daily News: Christmas Eve Edition Two-fer

Steve Helber/Associated Press

Daily News: Christmas Eve Edition

Well, that’s a catagory we’re only going to use once a year.

IN THE NEWS TODAY

1. A Christmas Miracle: In the first Christmas Eve vote since 1895, the U.S. Senate passed a new health care legislation in the form of a $1 trillion bill that would extend health care to 30 million Americans.

Woo!

A similar bill still needs to pass in the House of Representatives (In the states, both of these bodies do something), but the bill that is being looked at by the House has some important differences, like stricter language on abortion coverage, for one.

Daily News: Dec.23, 2009

IN THE NEWS TODAY:

1. Serbia has submitted to the European Union.

Wait, that sounds wrong. Rather, Serbia has submitted an application to the EU for membership, not that Serbia and the EU are into BDSM.

This has started poorly. Moving on…

2. The Supreme Court of Canada did a lot of ruling yesterday. In addition to the Responsible Communication defense, they also made the decision that ladies still won’t have a place in Vancouver if they’re looking to ski-jump.

Late Edition: Douche of the Decade

Gawker.com just released its final tally of the votes on the “Douche of the Decade”…competition? That seems like the wrong word.

The biggest douche, by a landslide, is Joe Francis — the founder of Girls Gone Wild, and lover of ambiguous consent.

We at Awesome News couldn’t agree more.

What a Douche.

Daily News: Tuesday, Dec. 22, 2009

1. It turns out that the great gold heist of this summer wasn’t pulled off by some crack squad of thieves, but rather some really bad accounting.

Back in 2008, someone made a little miscalculation and said that the Royal Canadian Mint 17, 500 troy ounces than there actually was.

On top of that, over $3 million in government-owned gold was sold off as if it were et cetera.

Oh, and it cost $1.3 million to figure this out.

Daily News: Monday, Dec. 21, 2009

IN THE NEWS TODAY

1. Barack Obama’s momentous health care bill passed a tough late-night test in the Senate yesterday.

CBC News referred to the intensely partisan atmosphere as an “extraordinary holiday season showdown,” which is quite possibly the best sentence ever written.

We at Awesome News think that if you’re going to go for it, go all the way.

Saturday Afternoon Edition: Dec. 19, 2009

1. The climate talks have come to a close in Copenhagen, with the monumental decision made to cut greenhouse gasses.

Well obviously!  Did we really need a conference for this?  Couldn’t these countries have called each other and said this?

The Copenhagen Accord, a THREE PAGE document, drafted by the U.S., China, India, Brazil, and South Africa, says that countries could, if they feel like it, give $100 billion USD a year to poorer countries to help them not pollute.

Daily News: Saturday Morning Edition

IN THE NEWS TODAY

Hamilton Health Sciences fundraising promoters have changed their minds about bringing Sarah Palin and her creepily perfect hair to town after angry public backlash.

One of the fundraiser’s organizers, Dennis Concordia, said last week that public outrage wouldn’t change his mind.

But Hamilton Health Sciences rep Heather Pullen said the hospitals received over 70 emails and phone calls this week from upset members of the public.